


Last Minute Boyfriend

by psycholinguist (orphan_account)



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Asexuality, Brotherly Affection, Craigslist, Demiromantic, Everyone Is Gay, Gay, M/M, idk why, lots of gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-23
Updated: 2015-11-23
Packaged: 2018-05-03 00:51:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5270369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/psycholinguist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Christmas time! That means family, food, and fielding annoying questions about your relationships or lack thereof. Matthew's just trying to have a nice dinner with his parents.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Last Minute Boyfriend

**Author's Note:**

> original A/n: I've never written prucan before, so forgive me if it's weird or ooc [and if it's ooc, please tell me and explain how I can make it better~!]

* * *

It was a rainy night, rivulets of water streamed down the windowpane, and trees creaked in the wind. A blond man in a large red hoodie slouched in his bed, his laptop perched on his thighs; he scrolled through various emails, checked his social media accounts, and Skyped with his brother while listening to the pouring rain. He sighed heavily as he reread an email from his dad sent three days ago, asking him if he would be coming home for the holidays and inquiring if his "boyfriend" would also be attending.

"I can't believe dad wants to meet my new-- and I quote-- ‘suitor’", said the blond while his brother sniggered into his donut. "Stop laughing, Al, this is serious!"

"Seriously funny!" laughed his brother as he wiped a fake tear from his eyes. "Sorry Mattie, but I don't know what you want me to do. I don't know why you lied to dad and papa in the first place anyway."

"I was tired of dad asking about my nonexistent love life, and papa kept trying to set me up on dates with weird people," explained Matthew, sounding frustrated, "I figured if I told them I had met someone, they'd get off my back about this nonsense." He jumped slightly when a tree branch scraped on his window. He glanced at the window in question to check if it was really closed and then looked back to the screen.

"Listen bro, I don't know what you're expecting to happen here; Christmas is, like, a week away," grimaced the older blond man, "even if you found someone in that amount of time, you'd never fool papa that you’ve been together for... how long did you say you were with the dude?"

"...Three months.”

"Exactly," said Alfred as he polished off the rest of his sugary treat, "I think you just gotta come clean to them about this. And then you gotta tell me how it goes because you're gonna be on your own this year."

"What?" exclaimed the younger blond man, nearly upending his laptop as he sat up quickly. “No, Alfred, please! You can’t leave me alone with them this year!”

“Mattie,” whined his older brother, stretching his name into two long syllables, “this is the first Christmas I’ll be spending with Romano. You can’t expect me to pass this up, man.”

Matthew fiddled with his sleeves, avoiding the puppy dog eyes his brother was sending him. He looked down and gave a pout of his own and a sniffle for added drama. He heard Alfred's soft whine through the computer's speakers and he looked up, prepared for the worst. Alfred's eyes were glassy; his bottom lip stuck out and quivered slightly, even his signature cowlick looked dejected; Alfred was really bringing his A game. Matthew would have succumbed to the ploy, many people had, but he was determined to win this standoff. He felt the hair behind his ear become untucked. It fell lightly to the side of his face, giving him a more innocent look. Alfred cursed.

"God fucking dammit Matt, you dirty cheat," grumbled Alfred, "Fine, Romano and I will visit home for a few hours, but then we're leaving. Non-negotiable"

"Thank you so much, Alfie," said the younger man in a breath of relief, "I owe you one."

"Fuck yeah you do," frowned Alfred, "you damn cheating, syrup guzzling bastard."

"Romano's taught you well, huh?" grinned the cheater in question, "how is that grump anyway?"

The older blond perked up instantly as he launched into a long spiel of how amazing his boyfriend was, how they had decided to move in together, and the art classes he was teaching at the community center. Matthew smiled and listened to his brother praise the Italian man and his delicious food. He started to tune him out a little, listening to the thunder rolling in the distance and thinking about his own "failed" love life. It wasn't that he didn't like relationships; he loved listening to his lovesick brother ramble on, and his parents’ relationship was always kinda sweet to him. He just couldn't see himself in one. Not a serious one anyway. He'd had relationships in the past, but as soon as it turned slightly serious, he freaked out and ended it. Granted, that only happened the few times he held a relationship, but as his dad told him: "Once is unfortunate, twice is a coincidence, and three is a pattern". Matthew just didn't want to be with anyone, and he had come to terms with that. He couldn't see what made someone so attractive.

"Hey Al," Matthew interrupted, "sorry, why'd you fall in love with Romano? Like... what made you notice him in the first place?"

"Well, to be honest, he has a great ass. That was what I noticed when he walked past me," snickered Alfred before whipping his head around quickly to see if the coast was clear, "but, haha butt, but I also liked his really pretty eyes, his rare--but gorgeous-- smiles, and he was wearing this really amazing cologne that, I swear, nearly made me want to start kissing him right away. I don't know, bro, I think it was just love at first sight... For me at any rate, he took a lot of convincing." Alfred laughed again before looking a little concerned, "what brought this on, dude?"

"I don't know," said Matthew, "it's this whole situation that's kinda got me feeling a little... thoughtful, I guess, about my past relationships..."

Alfred looked at his brother pityingly as he trailed off. Then he screwed up his face in an odd look of regret and concentration, and Matt heard him pounding away at his keyboard. He tapped away and clicked at a few things before Matthew cleared his throat to draw attention to himself again. Alfred ignored him. Matthew sighed loudly and groaned until Alfred flicked his eyes from whatever he was looking at to Matthew's Skype window.

"Chill for, like, 5 seconds dude," said Alfred, "I'm trying to find a thing I saw a few days ag-- ha! Okay, found it! Take a look at this." Matt's notification bubble lit up. He clicked the link his brother sent him and immediately scoffed.

"Craigslist? Really Alfred, you want me to rent a boyfriend?"

"What other choice do you have, bro? But, I mean, if you have a better idea..."

"...I guess I can try it," mumbled the younger brother reluctantly before raising his voice to a more audible level, "but you're helping me pick someone out, okay? Sorry, I just need help finding someone acceptable before 'judgment day', y'know?"

"Man, I already gave you an idea," Alfred complained, "you keep forgetting I'm two hours ahead of you, you meanie. I'm tired, Romano already went to sleep, and it’s like 3:45 am here." He gave a tremendous yawn and tousled his hair, "I'm going to bed, and I’ll help you if you still need it tomorrow, okay?"

Matthew felt slightly guilty because he did, in fact, forget that his brother was two hours ahead of him. He made a mental note to send him some maple candy for his trouble. "Alright then," he said, “I suppose I can take it from here. Goodnight!"

"Goodnight, bro."

He closed the video window and clicked the link his brother had sent him. He sighed inwardly as he looked at the time on the screen; it was nearly two in the morning and Alfred was two hours ahead of him. Matthew felt another slight pang of guilt. He’d definitely have to send some maple candy to his brother soon. He sighed and listened to the rain as the page loaded slowly.

The wind was blowing harder, making the rain look as if it was falling horizontally; he could hear the neighbor’s shutters slamming hard and loud against their house. He commended them on their foresight to visit their families in America and avoid the terrible weather that was screwing with his Wi-Fi signal. Finally, the results loaded, and he realized it was just one person’s listing.

“Alfred, you’re a saint,” breathed Matthew as he read the listing:

_Tired of Your Parents Asking You When You’re Going to Find a Boyfriend? Do You Want To Disappoint Your Dad? Read on……… m4any (Alberta, Canada)_

_Well it’s the holiday season, time for the annual family gatherings, gift exchanges, and the “why haven’t gotten a boyfriend yet?” questions you’ve been fielding for months. I am a 21 year old heavily tattooed and pierced albino man who works as a chef at a restaurant, works nights at a bar, and lives with his brother. If you’d like to have me as your platonic date friend for the holidays but pretend to be in a long and serious relationship with you to torment your family and/or disappoint your parents, I’m game. Interested? Then email me, and let’s get the ball rolling. After all, the holidays are fast approaching._

  *           _It’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests_



Matthew looked at the picture and saw that the man’s arms were heavily tattooed, and some tattoos were peeking out from the collar of his T-shirt. The man also had a few piercings on his face and ears that were a little intimidating. But he was also wearing a _Star Wars_ graphic tee shirt and holding a glowing green lightsaber, so he figured he wasn't as intimidating as he thought. Matt debated with himself for a few moments before deciding that one week of peace and quiet was worth shelling out a few bucks. He sent an email to the man and shut off his laptop. It was 2:35 am.

"Well," muttered Matthew morosely, "at least I don't have anything to do tomorrow." He placed his laptop on his nightstand, removed his glasses, and snuggled down in his bed before reaching to shut off his lamp. Tomorrow was gonna be the start of a weird holiday.

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> moving fics from ff to ao3


End file.
